• A Question of Personality

    A Question of Personality

    This morning I was asked to describe my personality – in five words. The words I chose were: independent, diligent, caring, honest and empathetic. I picked these words on the spot, as it were, because someone had asked me to do so, and these were five adjectives that came to mind at that moment.  When the call had ended, I turned these words over in my mind. Why had I picked them? Were they the right words? No, that was the wrong question. There wasn’t a “right” when it came to picking five words to describe my personality. But there was such a thing as better or worse choices, and more or less honest choices. So, why these five words? And was I even the right person to judge whether I lived up to any of these words?

    The more I thought about it, the more I struggled to justify my choices, and this lack of clarity bothered me. I considered each word in turn. All have a degree of truth, but they aren’t the whole of it, somehow. What the hell is my personality anyway, even if I were to commit five paragraphs or pages to the topic? And should I distinguish between simple descriptions or traits, like the adjectives I’d listed, and a deeper, more abiding sense of self, character, or even that of ego? Now I felt like I was looking into an abyss. Five spindly trees clung to the precipitous cliffs: independent, diligent, honest, caring, empathetic trees.

    If I was brutally honest, I wasn’t always particularly diligent. I might like to think I was, but there were times when diligence gave way to expediency, or even downright laziness. I could take issue with honesty too. I try to be honest, but I wasn’t sure that a certain amount of self-deception and censorship wasn’t at play, even here. For example, I wouldn’t always disclose that I suffered a traumatic and mind-shattering episode of something at the age of 22, if I thought it might jeopardise my chances of employment in the here and now. It wasn’t something I talked about much in general, come to that. Too complicated, maybe. Caring – I could be that, yet I could also be grumpy, bad-tempered, harsh and overly critical.

    Actually, now I thought about it, hadn’t my personality as good as gone? It was like I had believed in a personality once, but now, looking back, personality seemed a strange, irrelevant and unwieldy concept. If we are truly changeable, then my personality probably wasn’t the same as it was ten years ago, or even yesterday. “We never step into the same river twice”. Who said it? I can’t remember now, but I suspect it must have been some philosopher of old. The saying captures a sense of constant flux and flow. Like that river, my personality might have moved on, grown, and then become less central or altogether irrelevant. I doubt that’s the same thing as ego dissolution, or what Buddhism might describe as the disappearance of an ‘I’ on the path towards enlightenment. I think that’s something else again.

    Coming back to the words I chose, I tried to think of alternative choices. They actually weren’t too bad, I supposed, although one might wonder why I only chose the more positive descriptors and omitted to include any negatives. I was reminded of a headstone I came across in a cemetery recently.

    Stumbling across that headstone and seeing the words at first glance, I had a strange feeling of something being wrong. These words were…no, these were not the words for a headstone! I stood still and read the inscription again. “Irascible, volatile, irritating, irritable”, tempered by “endlessly optimistic and kind”. And of Mr. Dunn: “Stubborn, contumacious” – whatever that was – I’d have to look it up, “limitlessly tolerant and patient”. These words were honest. And they were kind. “A perfect partnership”.

    I wondered if the Dunn’s would have answered the personality question the same in life as they, or their family, clearly had in death.  

  • Civilian Resistance: The New Frontline Against Conflict?

    Civilian Resistance: The New Frontline Against Conflict?

    I was exactly halfway between my accommodation and a local park when the air alarm sounded. I’d just bought lunch. I could go back – taking a seat in the hallway outside my room so as to be separated from the glass windows within. The two-walls rule. But now, thinking about it – I’d been going to the park, and in some ways if the missiles were to hit and I had a choice about it, I’d prefer to be outside amongst the Autumn trees and the fallen leaves, the birds and grass, than indoors with the piles of concrete rubble, broken wires and shattered glass. I opted for the outdoor option.

    There is a little rotunda in the centre of Ivan Franko Park. It was here that I went to eat my lunch. I think there is something in the human psyche that seeks shelter, whatever kind, even in the outdoors. There was a man at the rotunda with a speaker that played gentle, uplifting music. He sang along quietly, nodding to the rhythms. There was a sense of being peaceful at what could be a time of heightened anxiety.  And a sense of resistance. Yes, the missiles and deadly drones might kill us, or poison gas asphyxiate us, but there was a sense of peacefulness in just being in the moment right here, right now.

    Another day at the rotunda; another air alarm. Some local people turned up with buckets, brushes and scrapers. That day we cleaned and brushed the rotunda. It was a satisfying thing to do, scraping the grime off the concrete, and giving this old structure some love. Heritage preservation can happen anywhere, at anytime. Even during a war. We laughed and were at ease despite the tension. Each brush stroke of the grainy surface felt like an act of quiet defiance.

    Thinking about these humble everyday activities at a time of conflict, I considered where else such acts of civilian humanity might be applied. The idea of little acts of resistance as a response to war – could there be something in it? I mean, if we all took up our speakers and our buckets, our brushes and scrapers and brooms, or whatever it was that we might prefer – our paint brushes and egg beaters, our garden lights or our golden retrievers, if we took our quiet things of everyday life and staged a resistance? I feel there is something in this approach that goes to the heart of an unjust war – the idea that love and simplicity are stronger than war and military advancement; that it is the quiet things of everyday life that eventually trump the growing shipments of weapons and arms.

    Suppose that military spending by all nations was greatly reduced. Instead of scrabbling for stockpiles of ever-more deadly weapons and objects of destruction and deterrence, people of all countries took it upon themselves to be the non-violent civilian resistance. In light of today’s news, robust support for Ukraine is looking considerably less likely. It may not even be a case of negotiated settlements with all parties present. There can only be hope for an alternative, or parallel, pathway to peace. We can look to the past for successful examples of civilian resistance.

    When it comes to historical precedents, some civilian movements represent a form of resistance towards occupation or injustice, and a desire for independence and freedom, rather than resistance to outright war. An early example of non-violent resistance to colonisation comes from Aotearoa, where Māori children and seated villagers of Parihaka greeted the marching troops. The U.S. Black Civil Rights movement of the 1960s and the actions of Rosa Parks, galvanised a movement leading to change. More recently, The Baltic Chain, or Way, of 1989 inspired similar independence and democracy movements across the world. In the same period, the Baltic state of Estonia was home to a singing revolution rooted in cultural traditions of song. 1989 was also a big year in China– the year of the student protests in Beijing, when tank man stood his ground in Tiananmen Square. Although stunning in his solitude, imagine what having the numbers to back up such a move could do.

    What if, instead of trying the same old military responses to military operations, there was a courageous resolve to try something new. In the face of calls to conscript more soldiers, what if civilians went to the front? Yes, it would be dangerous; potentially deadly. That said, there is danger and risk in any option, including the options which have gained current acceptance. Many lives have been lost – and for what? The idea of a civilian resistance at the frontlines could be deemed hopelessly idealistic. Then again, it’s abundantly clear that doing the same things repeatedly and hoping for different results is costly, ineffective and really quite senseless. Some would argue a civilian resistance at scale is impractical. But, if it was possible to form a human chain stretching across three Baltic states in the days before the internet, then surely something on a similar scale must be possible today. A non-violent civilian resistance could be the new frontline.

    What do you think? Is civilian resistance to conflict a possible solution?

    Image & Title Credit: A.I.

  • Living in the Moment

    What makes you feel nostalgic?

    Nostalgia:

    noun

    1. sentimental longing or wistful affection for a period in the past. — Oxford Languages

    I don’t feel nostalgic, or at least I try not to.

    A sentimental longing. This implies wanting things to be other than what they are. Right here. Right now.

    Affection for a period in the past. Well, maybe a little. Sometimes.

    It is easy to get caught up in pleasant reflections and forget to live in the present.

    The mind flicks back, and present-moment awareness takes a walk.

    I try to live in the present.

  • Welfare & Trauma – How reconciliation might help healing

    In situations of conflict or violent incidents, there can be physical injuries and mental ones. The physical injuries are likely to be more visible; and therefore more immediately apparent. The mental trauma is likely to be less visible, quieter, and potentially long-lasting.

    In organisations such as the military, the police and first response services, the likelihood of being involved, witnessing or having to deal with the aftermath of these kinds of traumatic incidents is higher than in other professions. That is why it is important that these situations are dealt with in a way that supports welfare in the time immediately afterwards, as well as offering a means of talking things through at a later time. Being able to have conversations, even difficult ones, is critical.

    There are organisations out there who support victims, offering support with material needs, supportive listening and the opportunity to talk. Who or what is a victim? It may not be as clear as it seems at first sight. One person may have been through a terrible ordeal, and yet not perceive themselves as a victim. What may be minor and unremarkable for some, is a terrible source of distress for others. Someone who seems fine immediately after a traumatic incident, might struggle to cope further down the track. Repeated exposure to trauma could further complicate things.

    And then there is the question of victims and perpetrators, particularly in the case of conflict or incidents of aggression. We might feel that someone who acts out of self defense is morally in the right. Or that a violent offender should be made to suffer for their aggressive behaviour. There might even be a desire for retribution and punishment. These concepts are perhaps somewhat different to the idea of justice and accountability, by which someone or something is held responsible for their actions. There is a difference between public condemnation and consequences of actions, versus vengeance and punishment for punishment’s sake.

    The justice system is generally tasked with holding offenders to account and providing a sense of fairness and resolution for victims. It is also a means of ensuring public safety, and minimising the risk of further harm. But the goals and desired outcomes are not always clear. Sometimes it would seem the primary focus is on punishment and vengeance, as opposed to healing and reparation. Arguably a shift in focus towards reconciliation could help put more of us on a path towards healing.

    Prisons are one means of punishing offenders. For the most high-risk and serious offending, this might be the only option. But there are also reasons why prisons are not an ideal means for dealing with lesser offending. There are questions around what it really achieves, the cost of keeping people there, as well as the possibility of minor offenders being exposed to more serious ones, thereby raising the risk of reoffending on release from prison. And then there is the question of whether seeing someone go to jail actually helps the victim heal from their trauma in the long-term, or whether the perpetrator comes to a better understanding of the victim’s point of view.

    At the heart of all this is the possibility of something more compassionate and restorative – a possibility for acceptance and forgiveness. That is not to say there should be no consequences, quite the opposite. But rather than simply banishing those who have wronged or upset us, that we work towards reconciliation and understanding. Being able and willing to talk directly to each other might be a useful first step.

    Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com
  • Beyond war to Blue Sky, Wheat fields and Bears

    Photo by Denis on Pexels.com

    Bakhmut. There it is: the reminder of a war still in progress. Sometimes it is easy to forget the ongoing nature of reality in places that are not here – the harsh northern Winter, leafless trees along trenches, muddy tracks, snowy tanks, and soldiers now dressed in white. Then there are the civilians: their destroyed houses and apartment blocks, the power outages, the displaced persons and refugees. Those of us outside of Ukraine can only try to imagine, we can sympathise, we can support, but as time goes on it is easy to forget that the same air raid sirens, the same day to day possibility of missile attacks, the interminable hours and days of waiting for some kind of break – that all of this continues. Every day. Over and over.

    Then there is the thought that most of these civilians, and even most of the fighters for that matter, are individual people caught up in the dynamics of states and the various vagaries that lead to war. They are not in a position to turn back the clock, to end the war or negotiate peace. That lack of influence is something common to all of us who are not world leaders. While we cannot settle peace treaties on paper, we can still choose to do things in our own little way. So, Ukrainian civilian volunteers make candles for in the trenches, and nets to camouflage positions and gear. They make food; help the injured and displaced. Those of us in places not at war can keep doing our little bits from a distance and hope it has some effect.

       

    Victory, Success, Defeat and Glory: what do they actually mean?

    Following the news from Ukraine, one regularly comes across these words. The question is, what do they actually mean in practice?  In some contexts, success, victory and defeat refer exclusively to the battlefield and what might happen there. But it would be interesting to know what some of the rhetoric would actually look like in practice. Glory, for example. How does it look? How does it feel? I admit to feeling a little sceptical about the use of phrases like “Glory to Ukraine”. Everlasting light? Fields of wheat waving in the sun? People being able to picnic in the park on a Sunday, without the fear of missiles? These are images I associate more with “Peace” than with “Glory”. Glory has more of a hard edge to it I find, and perhaps a touch of a hardening battle mentality. And after a year and a bit of war, that’s probably not so surprising. Still, I am not sure that all this talk of glory necessarily moves anyone closer to peace.

    The Chinese Peace Plan

    On the anniversary of the invasion, China put out a peace plan. Thank you, China.

    What of Russia?

    “Russian defeat” – that Russia leaves Ukraine, yes. But beyond that? There should be room and respect for Russian language, culture and people as part of any peace plan. Dialogue between civilians in Russia and civilians elsewhere might be helpful, necessary even. And there must be some differentiation between the warmongering Russia that the world has come to know over the past year, and whatever Russia might offer or become in future.

    The Fuzzy Brown Line Stance

    The Fuzzy Brown line supports a working plan for peace in Ukraine, and it condemns warmongering in any shape or form. It does not support investment in war or military hardware, equipment or infrastructure of warfare, nor the promotion of participation in war as a career, or any form of propaganda of war. It condemns illegal invasions, or the threat thereof, across borders of land or water, and supports the sovereignty of individual states and individual persons within states. It wants Russia to hurry up and leave Ukraine.  

    The Fuzzy Brown Line further suggests adding a clause about parachuting a large number of teddy bears across the frontline to assist with furthering the cause of peace and goodwill on the battlefield.

  • Bringing Welfare to a War Zone

    Bringing Welfare to a War Zone

    We all need something. But what exactly is it that we need? Maslow’s hierarchy of needs is one way of setting out the simple things that an individual human (or bear) requires – at a most basic level these are the elements needed for survival: food, water, shelter. As we climb the pyramid our other more high-level needs appear – our hunger for love and affection, for self-fulfilment and purpose, for knowledge perhaps. And so too on a societal level there are the basics, the less immediate needs and the nice-to-haves. Beyond societies we can look at the world, and see areas of huge and immediate need: a war-zone perhaps, or a country undergoing major food shortages or struggling in the wake of a natural disaster. There are scales of suffering and levels of need.

    When we look beyond our own needs in this moment, we can see that all needs are relative. To put it another way, we can always find people worse off than ourselves. We may feel we have little income, but there are people out there who have no money at all. We might feel that we don’t have much to eat, but there are people who are starving. Our opportunities might seem limited, but there are some for whom the idea of opportunity beyond immediate survival is unthinkable. Whatever our situation, we can usefully remind ourselves that we are at least living and breathing in the here and now. That in itself is a major advantage and indeed an opportunity not to be missed!

    Linked to this idea of our needs being hierarchical, and so too the needs of a country or society as a whole, how can we best divide and share what resources might be available? For instance, in the case of humanitarian aid work, where might we best invest and place our money so as to help the largest number of people? Should we focus on the highest need individuals who may have very specific needs, or simply try and reach as many people as possible, even if it’s only in a little way? As individuals, are we better off strapping on our boots and helmets and entering the war zone warts and all, or is it more effective to work from afar? Where should the money go – directly to those who need it, or into the pool of a large organisation or outfit for them to distribute? Who should have the final say as to how or where that money is spent? Does it matter who leads the effort to rebuild a country?

    These questions largely did not enter my thinking until I visited Ukraine towards the end of last year. Prior to that, foreign aid was just something which I knew happened and the logistics of it did not really cross my mind at all. In Ukraine I met some people who were taking huge – and at least as far as I could tell – largely unpredictable risks, in order to drive aid into the “hot” zones close to the frontlines. The modus operandi amongst the international aid distributors is largely van, truck or even car-based delivery of goods. This requires purchasing or gathering the supplies, and then driving them off to areas of high need. I admire the courage required to repeatedly dash into these places in a small van loaded with groceries or other items, and then dish them out to the no doubt grateful recipients of towns and villages under siege, before dashing back to re-load.

    Ukraine is a large country, populated by many proud Ukrainians. Even surveying a small corner of the devastation makes one realise that the level of need multiplied across the country, particularly in the worst-affected areas, must be immense. I wondered about the delivery van idea in the face of all this. It had its benefits in being small, flexible and potentially quick to respond. Its smallness was also an obvious downside, given the scale of the need. Along with the fact that for many of us foreigners, there were the additional hurdles of largely not speaking the language, not knowing the lay of the land, the existing logistics networks or the exact nature of a war zone.

    There were also wider questions in my mind around who should do what. Just seeing a foreign volunteer is a bright ray of hope and sunshine for some people in the worst-affected areas. Simply the thought that there are people out there who care about their plight, not just politicians or celebrities but ordinary folks dashing around in cars and vans, can be a valuable form of moral support. At the same time, I wondered if this idea of foreigners taking up roles as volunteer van-drivers could undermine the potential for locals to do the same for themselves, and so help their country on their own terms. It could be more difficult for a Ukrainian to do the same, for the simple reason that the access to funds might not be there. But looking at it in terms of empowerment, of doing the stuff that needs doing rather than being a passive recipient of foreign aid, I wondered if that was perhaps a role better suited to locals than foreigners.

    By the end of my time in Ukraine, I wondered if the real value of foreign visitors to a country at war lies largely in a moral support and liaison capacity, rather than actually doing the more hands-on stuff on the ground. And so, as someone wanting to help, I might just be more useful in a distantly remote fundraising role so that the money is there for the locals to do for themselves what needs doing. As with anything, it will be important to have mechanisms in place to ensure that funds are well-spent, reach those who need it most, and are distributed equitably. Long may the locals prevail at relief and rebuilding, wherever that might be! The best I can hope to do is support.